i think my tv is drunk
He kissed a someone with a penis
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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