Can i not drive my cunt home
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
