and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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