If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
