...so i touched it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
