i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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