Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
