these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
