I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
