yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
