Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
this is an emotional support booty call
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
