3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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