operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
