That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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