I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
love makes seman taste better
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
