i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
