I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
