Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
