Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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