evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
