he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
