Where did you get a picture of my penis
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
