I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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