I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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