U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
