This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
