So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
