Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
