your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
