the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
