I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
