also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
