whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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