Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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