One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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