Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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