Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
