I'm really into asian looking animals
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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