Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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