Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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