I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize