I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize