worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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