I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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