it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
