the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
