Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love you.
Bad choice
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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