I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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