Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
