dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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