3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
