i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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