I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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