I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
