Dual....:-)
I heard we made out
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
