So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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