I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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