what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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