i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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