Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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