Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
