I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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