At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
